The Calls Home Are Getting Shorter: When Your Kid Is Struggling at College
Over the first couple of weeks, the calls were longer. Photos of the dorm, a new friend's name, a professor they actually liked.

Now it's short texts. "All good." "Busy, call you later."

Later doesn't come.

The location dot hasn't moved from the dorm in two days, there's a food delivery charge on your card at 2am, and they mentioned, casually, that they skipped a few classes.

Midterms are a couple of weeks out. You're a few hundred miles away, and you can't tell whether you're watching a normal adjustment or the start of something harder.

What We See Underneath

A Lot of What Held Them Together May Have Been External  
Before college, and especially during high school, much of their day was structured for them. Classes ran on a set schedule, attendance was closely monitored, and parents or other adults were more likely to notice when routines started slipping.

College requires much more self-management. Even students who handled that transition well at first can struggle when routines change, coursework intensifies, or stress builds.

Avoidance Compounds Quickly on a College Schedule  
Miss one class and going back feels awkward. Miss three and emailing the professor feels impossible.

By midterms, a skipped week can feel like a hole too deep to climb out of, so they stop trying.

They May Be Hiding It Out of Shame, Not Indifference  
Especially if they were the kid everyone expected to thrive.

Telling you means admitting it isn't going the way you assumed, and a lot of young adults would rather go quiet than disappoint you.

You're Locked Out  
Once your kid is 18, privacy laws generally mean grades and health information go through them unless they've signed releases.

You feel responsible and you have almost no information. That's a hard combination.

What Helps

Ask About the Days, Not the Grades  
What time are you going to bed? Who do you eat with? Which classes are you actually making it to?

Concrete, low-stakes questions get more honest answers than "how's it going."

Add Structure That Travels  
Our work is designed to support young adults even when they're away at school.

That can include structured check-ins, support outside traditional 9-to-5 hours, and therapy that doesn't always happen sitting in an office.

Sessions might happen on a walk or around an activity that helps them open up and engage more naturally. With their permission, family sessions can also keep you appropriately connected.

Keep the Team They Already Have  
Campus counseling, a psychiatrist at home, a therapist they've worked with before.

We coordinate with whoever's already involved rather than starting from scratch.

Use Natural Openings for a Reset  
A weekend retreat in the Catskills can give a student space to regroup without disrupting their academics.

Thanksgiving and winter break can also create opportunities for more intensive support, whether that means additional in-person sessions or a 3- to 5-night retreat before the next semester starts.

When to Reach Out

If they've been missing classes for more than a week or two, their sleep has flipped, or they've gone quiet with friends as well as with you, it's worth acting.

Reach out for a free 15-minute consultation.

BODA Therapy provides therapy, coaching, and immersive retreats for preteens, adolescents, young adults, and families. Based in New York and the Catskills.